Nutrisystem Day 23 - Obsessive Thinking & Negative Self-Talk

Nutrisystem Day 23 - Obsessive Thinking & Negative Self-Talk

Today's Nutrisystem Tips:

* Don’t look to others for validation of your success.

* Convincing yourself that the guy who asked (chubby) you out doesn’t want to be seen with you is like convincing yourself you don’t really want the 50-dollar bill you just found on the sidewalk.

And now, here are the details of my 23rd day on NS...

What I Weighed Today: 200 lbs. (8am)

Today was just another day.  Another day of walking the walk.  The problem I create for myself is overanalyzing everything and constantly questioning the worth of everything. Obsessive thinking. I question the worth of this effort which ultimately is a question of my own worth.  I’ve pretty much lost 15 pounds since this started.  Do you know how many people would give anything to lose 15 pounds?? But all I can think is how little of a difference it has made.  My clothes don’t seem to fit any better.  I’ve been shopping and it seems I’m still wearing the same size. 

Actually, no one has really noticed a difference except my boss, but she’s so full of it that she would say I looked smaller simply because she knows I’m making the effort.  While I appreciate that kind of support it doesn’t help if it doesn’t ring true.  I’m too obsessive for that. 

What I Ate Today:
Breakfast: NS Cluster Crunch Cereal, 1 Non-Fat Yogurt, 4 cups Coffee w/6 tablespoons Fat-Free Creamer, 2 teaspoons Powdered Creamer & 4 tablespoons Sugar-Free Vanilla syrup – 280 calories
Lunch: NS Tomato and Corn Chowder, 5 cups Cucumbers – 278 calories
Snack: 4 oz. Low-Fat Lunch Meat – 202.5 calories
Dinner: NS Spaghetti with Meat Sauce, 3 oz. Low-Fat String Cheese  – 449.9 calories
Dessert: None  – 0 calories

TOTAL CALORIES: 1210.4

EXERCISE:
Walking (1 mile), 16 minutes
Weight Training, 15 minutes
Sexual Activity, 45 minutes

The one difference that I have noticed is further slackness in my skin.  It’s totally gross.  This guy that is having sex with me must be the most desperate guy in history because there is no way he does not see and feel all that flippity-floppity skin.  But he seems to be totally down with hooking up with me.  Interesting note: He hasn’t asked me out on a real date since our first date.  I mean, I know that I have sort of settled into the friends with benefits role with no qualms because my life is pretty crazy AND I’m not sure I really like this guy all that much.  But it would be nice to be asked. 

Something about my situation with this guy is starting to feel a little like he may not want to be seen with me.  Or maybe he just is taking advantage of the fact that the effort isn’t necessary to get in my pants.  I don’t know.  I’m a little weird and down.  I think sitting at this weight after seeing the other side of 200 is starting to get to me.  I know I have to keep pushing but then the voices start saying, “What’s the point? You’ll still be a puddle of loose skin.  You’ll still look weird.  You may even still have cankles.”

Those little demons. I can’t let them take over. I am trying desperately to remember how I felt when I weighed 341. Was it the same as I feel now? It can’t be! Who goes from 341 to 200 and has no change in their image of themselves? The only similarity should be that I am heavier than I want to be. All the other issues and ugly self-talk should be greatly diminished. But some days it’s just sitting there. Ugly, festering and waiting to be fed.

Product Reviews:
* NS NutriFrosted Crunch Cereal  – 100 calories
YUM! I am like Seinfeld when it comes to cereal.  I could eat it all day.  Unfortunately, my new lifestyle requires that I put about 4 flakes in a bowl with an eyedropper of milk and be satisfied with that.  This is goooood cereal, not too sweet with crunchy clusters that didn’t get soggy.  I wanted more and couldn’t have it.  It was extremely frustrating. 
* NS Tomato and Corn Chowder  – 200 calories
YUM! Still one of my favorites. 
* NS Spaghetti with Meat Sauce  – 240 calories
WTF?! Come on people!  This tasted like someone’s kids got in the kitchen and made spaghetti with ketchup.  Somewhere in the midst of cooking apparently those crazy kids dropped an entire bottle of oregano into the ‘sauce’, hilarity ensued & boy-oh-boy were Mom and Dad mad when they got home!! But they couldn’t stay mad at those cute little urchins so they packaged up their little angels’ attempt at cooking and sent it out to all the fatties because “Hey, those fatties’ll eat ANYTHING!”

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