Nutrisystem Day 21 - Bad Pretzels

Nutrisystem Day 21 - Bad Pretzels

Today's Nutrisystem Tips:

* Once you approach the end of the short term (nasty Nutrisystem meals) you need to think about a strategy for the long term (cooking! restaurants! the occasional dessert!).

* Nutrisystem may be the only company in the world that can manage to get a pretzel wrong.

And now, here are the details of my 21st day on NS...

What I Weighed Today: 199.5 lbs. (8am)

We have dropped below 200 again. Time for walking on eggshells to make sure we stay here.

The food today wasn’t too bad but I did get a little crazy and have two desserts. In my defense, the first dessert was more of a punishment than a treat. I’m not sure what I did to ever deserve that, but it must have been REALLY bad. How in God’s name do you f*ck up a pretzel???

Seven more days!!! One week!! That’s all I have left and I will never have to see another Nutrisystem entrée again. These people have made millions of dollars feeding people pet food (in the humble opinion of my taste buds).

It’s time to start thinking about what I will do for my next diet plan.  All I can say right now is that I want a program that allows me to control my food choices more.

If you’d asked me what kind of diet I would succeed the most at before I started this project I would have told you it would have to be a diet where I didn’t have to think. I would have preferred to have a diet where it’s all prepped and ready for me and I would have no control. Now all I want is control. With the taste of what can only be described as cat’s-ass still lingering on my palate, I just want to taste something that I cooked myself. 

What I Ate Today:
Breakfast: NS Blueberry Flavored Pancake Mix, 1 oz. Low-Fat String Cheese, 1 apple – 325.1 calories
Lunch: NS Cheesy HomeStyle Potatoes, 1 oz. Low-Fat String Cheese, 1 tablespoons Light I-Can’t-Believe-It’s-Not-Butter  – 400 calories
Snack: 1 nectarine, 3 cups Baby Carrots  – 135.7 calories
Dinner: NS Sourdough Pizza with Cheese, 3 cups Mixed Steamed Vegetables, 2 tablespoons Light I-Can’t-Believe-It’s-Not-Butter  – 475.8 calories
Dessert: NS Pretzels, NS Chocolate Fudge Bar  – 230 calories



Tonight I worked a red carpet event in Hollywood. For the last year, I have been doing interviews on the red carpet for a friend of mine who has a website where he posts celebrity interviews and video game releases. It’s a strange mixture but I really don’t question it. I always have a ball doing the interviews and then I feel kind of special when I send the links to my friends. I must admit that most of the “celebrities” are D to F-list but they are sometimes recognizable enough to garner some props from my friends who live away from Los Angeles. 

The one drawback to these assignments is, once again, I am usually the largest person present. I stood next to a model tonight and found myself staring at her incredible skin and her long, lean body. At first I was staring in awe and then I was just looking for flaws to make myself feel better. I was able tear my eyes away when I saw that she had backne (acne on her back) and the roots of her hair were kind of jacked up. She was pretty vapid too, which I always look for in pretty girls. I still left the event feeling funny about myself and the fact I’ve never looked hot with my clothes off.

Product Reviews:
* NS Blueberry Flavored Pancake Mix  – 130 calories
YUMMY! Tasty and I didn’t add syrup.  HOWEVER, I did add I-Can’t-Believe-It’s-Not Butter to the pan.  Funny how a little fat can make a world of difference.  I know these would have been horrendous without doctoring it up.  I am sure this is the same mix they use for those dry-ass bricks they call muffins.  
* NS Cheesy HomeStyle Potatoes  – 210 calories
YUMMY! Added I.C.B.I.N.B. to these too and damn if those freeze-dried potatoes didn’t taste good.  But don’t get it twisted, as no one would ever mistake these for real potatoes.  They still tasted freeze-dried but pretty damn good and satisfying.
* NS Sourdough Pizza with Cheese  – 220 calories
MEH. F*cking Lunchables!! You’ve seen them in the grocery store.  Those little meals for kids whose parents are done arguing with them about eating something healthy. I felt a little like a latch-key kid. Basically, this was a big square cracker, some tomato paste, and about 2 tablespoons of parmesan cheese.  It comes separately in the vacuum-sealed packaging so you have to put it together then pop it in the toaster oven or microwave until the cheese melts. It was weird and very ghetto in quality, but I must admit it wasn’t bad. 
* NS Pretzels  – 120 calories
WTF? FFFFFFF??? Dear Nutrisystem-Pretzel-Chef-Guy, Please print out the second page of the recipe you are using to make the NS pretzels.  Apparently, the rest of the ingredients (the ones with taste) are on that page.  If you are sure that you included all of the ingredients on the recipe AND you tasted and approved of the pretzels as they currently are presented, then I respectfully request that you find the nearest gun and shoot yourself.
* NS Chocolate Fudge Bar  – 110 calories
MEH. Better than the pretzels…that ain’t sayin’ much.

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