Jenny Craig Day 18 - Heartache, Friends, and Beef Chow Mein

Jenny Craig Day 18 - Heartache, Friends, and Beef Chow Mein

Today's Jenny Craig Diet Tips:

* Turning to friends can stop you from turning to food.

* Expecting food to relieve heartache is like expecting a Tylenol to beat up the person who caused your headache.

And now, here are the details of my 18th day on JC...

What I Weighed Today: 190 lbs. (8am)

What I Ate Today:
Breakfast:  Jenny Craig Breakfast Stuffed Sandwich, 2 oz. String Cheese, 2 cups Coffee w/4 tablespoons sugar-free Hazelnut creamer
Snack 1:  Jenny Cookies & Cream Anytime Bar
Lunch:  Jenny Craig Beef Chow Mein, Salad w/Ginger Dressing
Snack:  Grapes (lots of ‘em, didn’t count how many)
Dinner:  Jenny Craig BBQ Chicken Pizza
Snack:  Jenny Craig Peanut Caramel Snack Bar

EXERCISE:
None

Day four and no contact from Howard.  The pieces of this puzzle don’t fit. 

  1. I didn’t sleep with him
  2. He called me after the date
  3. He made statements about seeing me again
  4. I didn’t sleep with him

I am completely perplexed as to what could have happened / what I could have done to make him head for the hills.  The “running man” situation is not new to me but the reason I still obsess every time it happens to me is because there really isn’t a pattern.   There is nothing concrete thing for me to avoid doing to stop it from happening, so  whatever it is, I just keep repeating it.

The worst thing is that this situation makes it really hard to diet.  All I can think about is Howard & food.  I want one or the other at any given moment of the day.

Keep in mind, this is me having only ½ invested in this guy. Back when I was younger and dumber I would be ready to slit my wrists by now. I would be calling him every hour sobbing on the phone. Now I know what the inevitable end to this is and I am bracing myself for it.

Am I teary and fighting a lump in my throat?  Of course, I’m a woman for God’s sake!  Do I want to leave nasty messages on his phone about what a douche I think he’s being?  Yes.  But do I also have hope that he is in a hospital somewhere and will call the minute he is out of his coma? Yes.

I want answers. I want one guy to tell me why they do this to me. I used to wish that just one guy would look me in the eye and say, “Look, it’s because you are just too fat for my taste. I thought I could live with it because you have such a pretty face, but dude, seriously, your body has been through the ringer and it just doesn’t do it for me.”  I really hoped to hear that because it would confirm my fears and give me an issue that I could confront.  I realize now that hearing that would probably have sent me over a cliff and most likely would have caused me to gain weight and not lose it.  But at the time it seemed like a feasible solution to the problem.

This is it! I am done! Don't call me ever again! Forget you know my number! In fact, forget you know my name! And you can drive up this street all you want, because I don't live here any more! —Carrie, Sex and the City

This situation is the quintessential example of why a person needs to lose weight for NO OTHER REASON than to get healthy and feel good to themselves.  If I wasn’t doing this for me I would be eating by now.  Plain and simple.

Being honest with myself, I have to admit that not much has changed about my dating life between 341 pounds and 190. I’m still pretty much on my own.  But another interesting thing is that my “friendship” life hasn’t changed either, thank goodness. The love for my friends and being loved by them is one of the things I am most proud of about my life.  I no longer question whether I am worthy of love or able to bring it into my life and hold on to it.

I have several examples, both male and female, that let me know that I absolutely am capable of fostering loving, giving, relationships filled with positive reciprocity. So if the power to love and give has always been there, and the inability to have a good relationship with a man has always been there, then it stands to reason that my weight is NOT the issue.

Maybe this dieting journey will help me pinpoint this phantom “issue” is. I don’t know.  The one thing that I am sure of is that I won’t give up my commitment to myself because I have run into yet another man that can’t see ME.  As this unfolds I will cry, most definitely.  But I will pick myself up, dust myself off, and heat up my next Jenny Craig diet entrée.
 

Product Reviews:
* Jenny Craig Breakfast Stuffed Sandwich
YUM!   Still really good.  Wished I could eat 3 of them today. Not a physical need just a need for comfort
* Jenny Craig Beef Chow Mein
YUM! Love it but there just wasn’t enough of it to make me happy today. 
* Jenny Craig BBQ Chicken Pizza
YUM!  This was pretty damn good.  The sauce was awesome.  Spicy & sweet.  There was a fair amount of chicken but a just a smattering of cheese.  I didn’t expect it to be extra cheesy so I wasn’t disappointed.  All in all, the flavor was good and I enjoyed it . 
* Jenny Craig Peanut Caramel Snack Bar
YUM! Still awesome but still does that room temperature melting thing.  Not a deal breaker but really weird. 

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