South Beach Diet Day 5 - Fat Girl Persona

Today's South Beach Diet Tips:

* If you don’t address stress while on the South Beach program, you’re a sitting duck for a binge.

* The sassy fat girl persona may be harder to shake than the extra pounds I’m carrying.

And now, here are the details of my 5th day on the South Beach Diet...

What I Weighed Today: 196.5 lbs. (8am)

Day 5 and the scale is going in the right direction. I can't believe this is working so well and I still feel really good!

Unfortunately feeling good has not inspired me to work out. I feel a little overwhelmed by my work right now. Things are not going well for two of my major clients and I am not sure how much longer they will be in business. They seem to be convinced that all will be well and they will continue to be able to use my services, but as the bookkeeper, I simply don’t see how that is possible. I am looking at the numbers and I can see where this is headed. I am desperately trying to find another big client who has a stable business so I can feel less like my financial backside is blowing in the wind.

I often struggle with my co-dependent nature. I am frustrated by the fact that I can't just look for a full-time job because I don’t want to abandon these ladies. I am also shaving hours off in order to help them be able to afford me. So I am taking a pay cut and not necessarily doing what is in my own best interest in an effort to please someone else. That's crazy, right?

What I Ate Today:
Breakfast: 1 South Beach Chocolate Peanut Butter Crispy meal bar, 2 cups Coffee w/1 cup Non-Fat Milk and 4 tbsp Sugar-Free Syrup
Lunch: Tuna Salad, 3 tablespoons Girard’s Light Champagne Dressing
Snack: 3 oz Low-Fat String Cheese, Cucumbers
Dinner: 1 Salmon Steak, 4 oz Low-Fat String Cheese, Brussel Sprouts
Snack: 1 Sugar-Free JELL-O w/Fat-Free whipped topping

EXERCISE:
None

Sometimes I just sit in my recliner at night and stare at the TV. I'm not really watching anything and have to rewind movies a lot because I miss huge chunks of dialogue since my mind wanders trying to get a grip on how I feel about things and how I want to deal with them. Much like with my weight and eating, I try to picture what would happen in different scenarios. Part of what has kept me large for so long is playing this same picture game with myself being thin. While I can totally picture all the positives, when I consider the possible consequences of me no longer being the jolly fat girl, I have always chickened out.

It's the same thing now with my current work situation: I can clearly see the benefits of getting into a different job situation but I can't bring myself to face the consequences of disappointing these women. I feel weak because of it. The only positive is that the weird emotional battle that is going on inside of me has not weakened my resolve to reach my goal. Apparently, I have found something to distract me from worrying about the reactions I may get from losing weight. This is all fascinating to me.

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